Tomorrowland Speedway to Upgrade Vehicles to Full-Size Big Rigs

MAGIC KINGDOM -  Officials for Walt Disney World Resort confirmed this week that the somehow popular Tomorrowland Speedway attraction will be undergoing a massive upgrade. “Say goodbye to those tiny little race cars and say hello to our brand new, one-to-one scale big rig tanker trucks!”

The announcement was made by newly appointed Attraction Technology Specialist Tex Oilerman. “WDW is very excited and proud of the new solar panels we have. Did you see ‘em? They’re in the shape of a big Mickey head! Whatever. Solar power is for sissies. I figure, with all the new clean energy we’re making, we can afford to pump some more fumes into the air.” It seems important to point out that he put the words “clean energy” in very exaggerated air quotes.

All Disney visitors know that classic smell of gas fumes that signal their arrival in Tomorrowland. “That’s the smell of the future,” continued Oilerman. “You know what the future doesn’t smell like? Sunlight. God, it makes me sick.”

The Peterbilt-sponsored changes are expected to begin implementation after the busy summer season, and the truck cabins will also be the only in-park smoking areas.

Joe Scoop